your parents love me but you hate me
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
