My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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