So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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