Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
The Olympian is in my bed
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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