Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
