my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize