Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
