Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
barbara walters just said penis...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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