i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Randomize
