Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
