did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My feet surprised me
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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