Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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