I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
