Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
