yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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