Having a random hookup so left but love u
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
