Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
When are your genitals available?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
