Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
