if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
