this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize