youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
