she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
