At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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