And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize