R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
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