You're completely useless in the revolution.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
