Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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