Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
