I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
