they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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