i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
