Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
