so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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