In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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