I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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