And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
