yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
