I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
All the doctor said was why
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
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