im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Randomize