I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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