Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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