Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
