Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
