So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
