So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
