Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
