She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
