If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
