i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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