one two three fourrrrnication!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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