Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
