you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
