I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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