my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
