Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I am naked and annoyed.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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