im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Blow job season was short but glorious.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
