So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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