Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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