Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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