She's JV to your varsity
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
