DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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