shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
he's gonorrhea incarnate
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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