i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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