3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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