An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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