Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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