So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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