I like to think it a success when the cops are called
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
