I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
