So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
