3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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