Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize