is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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