We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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