$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How's work?
Spinning.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
A+ Viking dick
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
