She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
