Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
